Survivors of Survival

The survivors of the Holocaust faced many challenges upon their liberation, not the least of which was what we now call, “survivor’s guilt” but had no real name back then. It was something felt by survivors of the camps and those hidden to avoid the camps alike. Those who survived the camps, while their friends, neighbors, and especially their loved ones were slaughtered, could never understand what caused them to be among those who miraculously made it out of the Nazi death camps. They hadn’t led a necessarily purer life. They weren’t more religious or kinder than others, and in fact some felt like so many others deserved to survive more than they did, and yet those very people were chosen for death. Everyone knew that the Nazis didn’t necessarily have any rhyme or reason for the people chosen to die, but that didn’t make their survival any more sensible. So, many of them spent years feeling that they should have died in the place of others.

The people hidden, especially those hidden in “plain sight” who had to pretend to be something they weren’t…basically gave up their faith as Jews, and pretended to be Catholic, Protestant, or even Agnostics to survive. They did what they could to look less Jewish and refused to wear the Jewish star on their clothing, as had been ordered. They carried false papers and moved around Nazi territory as “Aryan” people, even if they had dark hair. Many of the hidden or adopted children, especially those who didn’t know it until years later, felt like they had betrayed God. They felt like they had abandoned their faith to save their lives. This group couldn’t exactly go back, because they didn’t know how to be Jewish anymore. That past, along with their birth names had been erased from their lives, and they felt like they couldn’t retrieve it. Those who tried to become “Jewish” again, often found that they didn’t fit in there anymore either. They didn’t know the prayers, and they didn’t understand the holidays. They just didn’t fit anymore, and they thought God might even be mad at them now.

No one walked away from survivalship of the Holocaust unscathed. Many people were no longer in the same country, although many felt that was not a bad thing. They weren’t sure they were “wanted” in that country or even in the family they now found themselves living with. Nevertheless, they were now part of an “elite” class of people. Elite, only in that they made it through. I don’t suppose they felt like an “elite” class of people though. In many ways, they may have even felt like traitors…to their friends, family, and neighbors who didn’t survive…like they should have done something to facilitate their own demise. Still, I believe that if their friends, family, and neighbors could talk to them now, they would say, “No, you needed to survive!! Someone had to make it out…to tell the world what happened, to show that our people would not be destroyed…to survive!! Someone had to do it!!” Their survival was the only way to carry on for those who were lost…even though it was the hardest single act they could perform, and the one about which they felt the most guilt.