A Way Out

When I think of my husband’s aunt, Esther Hein, I am reminded of the relationship she had with my mother-in-law, her sister-in-law, Joan Schulenberg. These days they are both in Heaven, and I can just imagine them reminiscing about the old days. When Esther was a young girl, her family lived on a ranch in Montana. By that time, her brother, Walt Schulenberg (my father-in-law) was married and living in town. Montana winters can be harsh, making it tough for kids from rural areas to get to school. To solve that problem, from time to time, Esther stayed with her brother and his wife, my mother-in-law, Joann Schulenberg. As kids often are, she could be a bit rowdy and mischievous…not a bad child, just a kid. My mother-in-law, being a mom herself, had to maintain order, so whenever Esther did something she didn’t like, she’d say, “Don’t, Esther!” She might spank her own kids, but dealing with a sister-in-law was different, so her go-to discipline was just that phrase.

When my mother-in-law was older, she was afflicted with Alzheimer’s Disease, and eventually, it all clicked. I’d always known who she meant but never understood the connection to me. Esther and I had a good laugh about it, and I told Esther it was better for her to take the blame…after all, she was far away and didn’t have to deal with Mom actually being mad. As for me, I decided that if I ever did something my mother-in-law disapproved of, I’d just say, “Esther did it!” It figured it would be sure to keep me out of trouble…sorry about that Esther!!

I think Esther forgave me for my little fib when putting the blame on her. In fact, when I told her about it, she thought it was really funny. When you are dealing with an Alzheimer’s patient, each day is a new story, and you have to learn to “roll with the punches,” so to speak. When my mother-in-law said, “Don’t Esther,” it gave me an out, and as her main caregiver, sometimes I needed a way out of taking the blame of “bossing” her around. Alzheimer’s patients often need to be told when to go to bed, get up, when to eat, and most other activities as time goes by. Blaming Esther gave me “a way out” of being the bad guy.