Values
I was thinking tonight about the next generation. Oh, I know, everyone thinks I’m going to complain about their dress, or attitude, or some other such thing, and while I would agree that those things can be annoying sometimes, that isn’t what I’m thinking about tonight. What came to my mind is the simple fact that at some point we will be passing the baton to this next generation.
Many people would cringe at the very thought, and when I think about some of the kids I see, I might have a tendency to join them in that. But we really can’t judge the kids by what they are today, because tomorrow, when responsibility hits them full force, they will change in a moment, just like we did. There isn’t one adult today, who can honestly say that their parents liked the way they dressed, the music they listened to, or the friends they had. They might have liked some things, but not all. And what parent hasn’t made mention of the dreaded next generation and scowled.
Well, just as we were that dreaded next generation and we changed into the establishment of today, so they will become the establishment of tomorrow, and they will look at their children and their friends as the next generation. And they will hope that as they changed into responsible adults, their kids will do the same.
As we did, most kids will grow into responsible adults. If we can instill in them the values we were raised with, and couple that with love and a respect for their feelings, most kids will blossom into adults that we can be very proud of. Kids are looking for approval…from someone. Now I don’t say to pretend that you love their clothes or music or attitude, but when they do something worthy of praise, don’t forget to praise them for it. If you don’t give positive reinforcement, they will act out to get your attention. We can’t be absent from their childhood and expect them to be great adults. We must love and encourage our kids, and most importantly keep their lives in prayer, because that is the most important thing we can do for them.
Have you ever noticed that when you don’t think you like someone, even if you don’t really know them, your thoughts constantly fall in the realm of the negative? And the more negative thoughts you think toward them, the more you don’t like them. And not only that, but the more you think those negative thoughts, the more the person actually becomes like your thoughts. It’s hard to explain how that could happen, but I’m sure it has something to do with how those thoughts transfer into our attitude, our conversation, and if that isn’t enough, they keep us thinking more negative thoughts toward that person. Pretty soon the relationship is beyond repair.
This same scenario can play out in the lives of our children if we are not careful. Children can be frustrating at any age, and when we think angry thoughts toward them concerning their rebellious ways, and those thoughts turn to feelings that we display toward our children, they can begin to think that they never do anything right, or that we hate them or are disappointed in them. So they can rebel further, and a cycle begins to take shape. Sometimes kids think they can’t ever please us, so why try.
I don’t mean to say than we shouldn’t discipline our kids. They need rules and limits, and it would be wrong not give them these things. But once we have done so don’t think harsh thoughts about them. Think good thoughts about them again. They will know that you love them and are proud of them, in spite of their mistakes.
When I was a young girl, I dreamed of the things I would do and the places I would go when I got older. At one time I thought I would move to Germany, and while there, I was going to marry a German man and live happily ever after. I discovered the German language in junior high school, fell in love with the country and I still love it today. Well, part of the dream came true. Bob comes from a strong German background, and we have lived happily ever after. As to moving away, well that didn’t happen.
Bob and I have both lived here since we were very young, and after marriage, we have stayed right in the same town. He had a good job, and our families were here, so we just never moved away. As the years went quickly by, the kids grew up and had families and stayed right here. We would never want to leave the kids and grandkids. Then our parents were suddenly older, and we were needed to help them. The time to move away…well, it became just a distant memory.
I suppose many people would think I missed out on a lot by living in the same place as I grew up. By never moving away and living somewhere exciting. But, while my life might seem boring to some, I have had the benefit of a close family. My mother was born here, and spent all her life here except the first five years of her marriage. Her family have all lived here except for a couple of them who lived away for short periods of time. See, I bowl with my cousins. My family has a family Christmas party every year, and we have to rent a hall to hold us all. My boss says I’m related to half the town, and he might not be far off. Many of my clients are relatives. I work with my daughter and granddaughter. I attend the sporting events of my grandsons. It takes three rows of chairs to hold our family at church on Sundays. I might run into my family at the mall or Walmart. Many of my friends on Facebook are relatives. And, my sisters are some of my best friends.
Yes, my life has been spent surrounded by family in one form or another. I grew up around grandparents, parents, sisters, brothers-in-law, nieces, nephews, aunts, uncles, and cousins, and I wouldn’t change that for the world. I guess some people would think that boring, but there is something to be said for knowing what is going on in your family’s life. Something to be said for getting to know the babies, and knowing your grandparents through the years. Something to be said for being there for the good times and the bad times. Something to be said for being where you are needed. Yes, some people would say I have really missed out on life, but to that I would have to say, “I haven’t missed a thing. I have been blessed with the best life there is. A life of contentment, knowing right where I belong.”
Valentine’s Day is here. It is a day dedicated to love, and in my opinion, that is a wonderful thing. Where would our world be without love. When we think of love, we think romance, but love takes in so much more than that. Of course, we love our spouses or significant others, children, other family members and friends, but I wonder if our world would be a little better place if we could expand that some.
Have you ever thought of a day where people are kind to each other? A day of smiling at the people you pass on the street. A day where we don’t scream at every person involved in every annoying situation that goes on. Wouldn’t it be great to have a day, in which love really was the rule of the day?
I know Valentine’s Day is really about romantic love, and that is beautiful. But beyond Valentine’s Day, maybe we could all try to show a little more love and kindness to those around us, and maybe it could make our world a little better place to be…one random act of kindness at a time.
In a world filled with reasons to rush here and there, we seldom have the time to see what is really important. Most families have no choice but to have two incomes, meaning many parents can’t attend many events that their children are involved in. Children are coming home to an empty house and no supervision. Homework gets pushed to later in the day, especially if parental help is needed at all, because by the time the parents get home, get dinner made, and get started helping with homework, it is almost time for bed.
Where did the day go? And for that matter, when you think about it, the weeks and years seem to fly by. Before we know it, our children are grown up, and we find out that we have missed all those precious years. And the sad thing is that there often isn’t any solution to it. Parents can’t make ends meet without two incomes, and times are tough. And so the important things must once again be pushed to the background, so we can make enough to support our families.
So, is there a solution? Probably not entirely, but if we do our best to find a way to make as many moments as possible, we will find that we aren’t missing out on as much as before. There is a song by George Strait that goes like this, “Life’s not the breaths you take but the moments that take your breath away.” It is about doing your best not to miss the important moments. Make as many games as you can. Go to their concerts. Make the moments you can make, so they know that when you can’t make an event, it isn’t because you don’t want to be there.
I went shopping at Walmart on Saturday, and after loading our groceries into our car, I went to put the cart in the cart station. As usual, there were a number of carts jammed in there in such an unruly manner that the station was half full. I pushed the carts into the proper order, leaving room for lots more carts. All in all, the process took me less than a minute, but if each of us would take a minute to straighten these carts, it makes the job of the people who collect the carts easier, and leaves more room to get the carts out of the parking lot.
Have you ever had your car hit by a cart in the parking lot? Carts that are put in the cart stations are far less likely to be blown across the parking lot and into your car. And yet, all over the parking lot you will see perfectly healthy people who are too lazy to walk their cart to the cart station, so they just leave it beside a car thinking, someone else will put it away. Why is that someone else’s job? Shouldn’t the person who used the cart have the decency to put it away?
Another place that the public could do a better job of doing their part is in the public restroom. Have you ever noticed how after some people wash their hands, they leave water all over the counter, wad up their paper towel and toss it in the direction of the waste basket…usually missing, and walk out leaving a horrible mess that not only has to be cleaned up by some poor soul, but makes it hard for the next patron to even think about going near the sink. It only takes a minute to wipe up any water you spill and make sure your paper towel actually makes it to the waste basket. Is that really so hard?
I guess what I’m saying here, is when did we all become so “special” that we couldn’t “lower” ourselves to clean up our own messes? Most of us were taught to clean up our own messes, but somehow we think that job belongs to someone else. How would we feel if we were that “someone else”? Would we like to clean up some of the messes we leave? I don’t think so. Everyone’s job is easier, if we all just do our part.
In a world of instant gratitude, being patient is not well received. We want a diet pill that instantly makes us thin. We charge things so we don’t have to save for them. We want instant income, instant fame, instant expertise, and the list goes on and on.
In The Message version of the Bible, Hebrews 13:5-6 says, “Don’t be obsessed with getting more material things. Be relaxed with what you have. Since God assured us, “I’ll never let you down, never walk off and leave you,” we can boldly quote, God is there, ready to help; I’m fearless no matter what. Who or what can get to me?” God want’s us to be content with what we have, and patient enough to wait for him to bring blessings to us. When we get “let-me-help-itis”, we get into trouble.
Being patient is important in everyday life too. We have to work to get where we want to be, and most times the road there takes a while, but isn’t a worthwhile goal worth the trip? There is such a sense of satisfaction when you finally reach a goal you set for yourself. You can be proud of what you have achieved.
The goal of being debt free is such a great goal, and it is Biblical too. Not many people get there, but with hard work and patience it is a goal that can be achieved. Of course the first move to make is, stop charging! Begin to save up for things you want, and pay as much as possible on existing debt. As cards are paid off, add that payment to remaining payments to pay everything off faster. The beauty of this is that you get to spend more of your own money when you aren’t paying interest to other people.
These are just a couple of goal setting ideas, and reasons to take this journey. I’m sure you have goals you want to reach. Be patient and work toward your goals. You can do it, if you don’t give up.
I just read another story about a grade school child being suspended after he formed his hands in the shape of a gun and pretended to shoot at a wall. Have we gone crazy? We have suspended these little kids for kissing a classmate because it might be sexual harassment…really, does a 5 year old know how to do that? They can’t play cops and robbers, or cowboys, or pretend they are hunting, because it shows violent tendencies…again…really? It seems to me that we have gone to the point of craziness over these issues in the schools.
Now don’t get me wrong, I want our schools to be safe, and I don’ want our kids being sexually harassed, but I really doubt if our kindergartners are the best suspects. And I don’t think rapists usually get their start in grade school. In fact, I think the way we are reacting to our little kids kissing in grade school just leads to a very unhealthy understanding of relationships between the sexes. If we make it dirty, how will they ever know what is right and wrong. Here they are, just coming out of the home setting, where they kiss mommy and daddy goodnight and to them that shows you like someone, and so it is natural to kiss a cute little girl…who by the way, wasn’t the one screaming about it, and some teacher or principal acts like little Johnny just committed a felony.
Again, I want our schools to be safe, but I really don’t think most grade schoolers are deliberately setting out to shoot up our schools. Nor are they looking to rape the little girl across the aisle.
I read a tweet made by someone I follow on Twitter today, and started to consider the reasons we are judgemental. “When you judge others you don’t define them, you define yourself.” author unknown.
This quote started me thinking about why people judge others. We have all been guilty of it. Sometimes, I suppose it is because we are insecure in our own skin, so we judge others to make ourselves feel better. I often wonder if this is really where bullying comes from. I don’t think bullies just hate everybody for no reason, but rather because they don’t much like themselves. They bully because it makes them feel like they are bigger or stronger than others. And the “targets” they choose are always smaller and weaker than they are, so they are judging these people to be of inferior strength, and therefore in a position to make the bully feel better about themselves.
Another reason we judge, is because we have a preconceived idea of what people should be in order to fit the mold we are trying to place them in. This may or may not be intentional. In our jobs, we sometimes judge people to see if they fit a mold for a product we are trying to sell them. Other times we look at someone who is, say waiting on us in a restaurant, and cringe because they look different than we think a waiter or waitress should. Maybe we are right in these judgements and maybe not, but are we too quick to judge.
I know there are times when we need to judge others, if only for our own safety, but when we choose to allow our judgement of other people to define who we are in a negative way, we begin to see others only from the negative perspective of humanity that we carry inside of us. If we assume that all people who look or act differently than we do, are bad…then what does that make us?
Many people had yesterday off to celebrate Martin Luther King Day. As I was relaxing at home, I thought about the differences in people. We are all very different, and most of us would agree that being different is a good thing, but sometimes those differences can be very annoying, to say the least. When people don’t share your core values, and each one feels that they are right or justified, arguments can ensue. Both parties can feel very strongly about their beliefs. So what is the solution?
Well, there probably isn’t a solution that will be accepted by both parties, and I think we have to accept that. Sometimes we must agree to disagree, but along with tolerence, I believe we must have equal respect for the feelings of others. We all say things not knowing that they are hurtful to others, but I think that when we know they are hurtful, we should make our best effort not to say or do those things around that person. Does this violate free speech? I don’t think so. I think it only adds compassion to free speech. Choosing not to say or do something in the presence of certain people so they are not offended. Is that really so very hard? It can’t be made a law, except our own personal law, but it can be so easily practiced. I don’t mean to say that we all need to tip toe around, just be somewhat aware. And on the other side of that coin, just because someone says something that offends you, doesn’t mean it was aimed at you. A cute little saying in the movie “Miss Congeniality II” has always stuck in my head. It goes like this, “Everything is not about you!” How very true that is. In this “me, me, me” world, I think we have forgotten that little fact.
