relationship

Most of the time, when I think about the faces from my parents’ past, I think of ancestors, or school friends, or maybe even old flames. All of those people bring questions to mind, but most of them can be answered, and the relationship laid to rest, at least in the case of old friends or old flames, but some faces continue to run through my mind again and again. Such is the case with the men who served in the Army Air Force with my Dad at Great Ashfield Army Air Base, which is just North of Ipswich in Suffolk, England. I know these men were Dad’s good friends, because they were important enough to him to take their pictures to preserve their memory for the rest of his life, but for whatever reason, their names were not put on the pictures, so I don’t know who they were.

Dad never talked much about the war, something that, while common among people who have fought in such battles, I nevertheless find strange. I always knew that he was a top turret gunner and flight engineer on a B-17 Bomber during World War II, but much of that information came from my mom. I guess she didn’t really know why Dad wouldn’t tell his daughters about something that made her and us so very proud of him either. I guess it just wasn’t his style, or maybe the memories of what he had to do there were just too hard to talk much about. Dad has always been such a gentleman, and had such a gentle spirit, that I’m quite certain that killing, even from a plane with a bomb, and not having to look at the faces of those who died, was something that was hard to live with, even though it was necessary, and even though he felt strongly about the purpose for which he was fighting.

In his letters home to his mom and family, he mentioned some names of friends from home, or people he trained with, but they were so restricted on what they could write about during their time in England, and the people they were with, that few names were mentioned. It was only after Dad had passed away, and we were going through pictures from his past for his slide show, that we found these pictures of his friends from his military days…those faces from Dad’s past, that I wonder about now. It was too late to ask Dad who they were then, and I have always been sorry about that. My niece, Michelle asked him about some of his military days for a report she was doing, but she didn’t know about these pictures then, or she might have asked.

I will probably never know who these men were, or if they were members of Dad’s crew on the B-17 he assigned to, and I am sorry about that. I have been trying to find out more about his military days and the men he served with, and these pictures could have been a great source of valuable information. Sadly, I will probably always wonder about the faces from Dad’s past, and the impact they had on his life.

Today, my niece, Toni will marry her best friend, Dave. I am so happy for both of them. They will be married on a beach in Kauai, Hawaii, in the warm sun, with temperatures around the 80’s. The day will be as beautiful as the couple standing on that beach dedicating their lives to one another for the rest of their lives.

The road to Hawaii has been a road Toni and Dave have traveled over the past several years. I have watched their relationship grow and blossom during that time. They just seemed to click from the start. I have never seen Toni look happier. My beautiful niece literally glowed with happiness. I didn’t know Dave very well then, but I could see how good he was to Toni…how good he was for her, and I liked him immediately. Dave always looked so happy around Toni, and I could tell that she was changing his life forever…they were changing each others lives forever.

So, today is the day…the moment that they will say “I do” and become husband and wife. The excitement travels through the air from Hawaii to Wyoming, because while we are not there on that beach with them physically, our hearts are sharing in the joyous event that is taking place on that beautiful beach so far away. Our minds will wonder if the event has taken place yet, because while we know the day, we do not know the time of the wedding. We look forward to seeing the pictures they will take, and their glowing faces, and then they will go forward as a married couple to spend time seeing the sights and then home to begin their married life together. We pray God’s greatest blessings over their marriage and their little family, and wish for them all the best. Congratulations to you Mr. and Mrs. Chase on this your wedding day. Have a lovely honeymoon. We all love you very much!!

Bob and I grew up during the hippy years of the mid-1970’s. All the guys wanted to have long hair. Bob’s hair was, by no means, as long as many other guys had, but it was quite a bit longer than he had while he was living at home. Like most parents, he was told to keep it short, while he was living at home. So when he graduated, he moved into his own place, and grew his hair longer…much to the irritation of his mom. I met Bob about 6 months after he had moved out on his own, so his hair was already longer.

Bob and his family had always had a great relationship with their family who lived in Forsyth, Montana, which is where Bob’s family came from. The family would go up there to visit at least once a year, and Bob didn’t change that tradition when he moved out. His uncles weren’t so much older than he was that they really seemed like uncles exactly, so he got along with them very well. After Bob moved out, he would go to Forsyth just to hang out with uncles, and visit his grandma. Eddie, at 11 years older and Butch, at 9 years older were, nevertheless, the older generation. When Bob was 19, Eddie was 30, and Butch was 28. They pretty much sided with Bob’s parents when it came to the length of a man’s hair.

The older generation took great pleasure in teasing Bob about his hair. I’m sure that he heard things like “you look like a girl” or “shaggy dog.” I’m also sure he was repeatedly told to get a hair cut. Of course, like most kids in the hippy generation, those comments had no real effect on him. Nevertheless, I’m sure Eddie got Bob’s attention when he decided to tell Bob, “We can fix that right now!!” Then, he proceeded to attack Bob, or rather, Bob’s hair with an unplugged electric hair trimmer. Eddie would never really cut Bob’s hair, and I’m pretty sure Bob knew that too, but in the moment, maybe he wondered just a little bit, while genuinely hoping that the trimmer wasn’t plugged in.

Today is election day, and while I hope everyone will get out there and vote, this is not going to be a political push blog, but rather a way of looking back on our family’s past. Most of us have a politician or two in our history, and probably even a president or two in our past. Our family is no different. I have long been told by Bob’s grandmother that Bob is related to President James K Polk. I wasn’t sure at first how that relationship ran, but then she told me that his middle name was Knox, which was her married name. So in tracing the line, I have found that James K Polk is Bob’s second cousin 5 times removed. It’s funny how close some of those relationships seem.

The Knox side of Bob’s family is also related to President Andrew Jackson. This relationship is a little more distant, in that it is by marriage. Andrew Jackson is the husband of the aunt of the wife of Bob’s first cousin 6 times removed. Now that one is a mouthful, and if your aren’t too sure just exactly how that whole relationship works, don’t worry, because you are not alone. That one is enough to throw anyone who isn’t able to look at it on a family history timeline.

Through Bob’s family on the Knox side, I have also found that we are shirttail relation to George HW Bush, and of course, George W Bush, but it would take me a while to break down the exact relationship there for you. Suffice it to say, that while I am very happy to be related to them, as most of you would be able to guess, we were, nevertheless, not invited to the White House for Christmas, because I’m quite sure that they have no idea who I am, much less that we are distantly related. That is a fact that I find to be a bit of a bummer, since I would love to spend just one Christmas at the White House. Can you just imagine!!

I’m quite sure there are other presidents, as well as other politicians, in our family tree, but so far I have not located them. What I have realized, however, is that some families tend to have politics running through their veins. That definitely appears to be the case in Bob’s family, or at least the Knox side of it. So, what about you? Do you have a president or two hiding in the woodwork of your family history?

Daughters-in-law come in many forms. Some can be difficult to get along with, and some can be simply impossible to get along with. However, some can be sweet and special, and easy to get along with. Of course, that works both ways. Mothers-in-law have been notorious to sticking their noses in where they don’t belong, or at least many have been given that bad rap in the past, whether they were really like that or not.  But when the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is a good one, it can be very rewarding to all concerned. If they will allow themselves to get along, they might just find that their mother-in-law, or daughter-in-law can be very helpful, now and for years to come.

I can’t say for sure, but it seems to me that in years past, there was less discord between in-laws, be they mothers, fathers, daughters, or sons. Bob’s great grandmother seemed to have a very pleasant relationship with with her daughters-in-law. While they didn’t always live near each other, they did for a time, and the way I understand things, they enjoyed spending time together.

I think that relationships with the in-laws, are to a very large degree about working things out together. It is about each person being understanding of the feelings of the other person. People have good and bad days, and with understanding, and acceptance, people can get along. That is the only way those relationships can work. I’m sure that through the years there were mother-in-law/daughter-in-law relationships that were horrible, because that is the way things go in this world, but I truly think that the relationship between Bob’s great grandmother and her daughters-in-law, was a very good one. The little bit of time that I had the pleasure of knowing Great Grandma Knox, Grandma Knox, and Aunt Helen, I can honestly say that these women got along famously. Great Grandma Knox made several trips to visit her daughter-in-law, Bob’s grandma with her other daughter-in-law, Bob’s Aunt Helen, and his Uncle Frank. They enjoyed each other’s company, because they chose to not only get along, but to like each other.

Corrie met Kevin when she was just 14 years old. They worked together at Burger King, and she was not allowed to date until she was 15. I made an exception and let her go out a day or so early, because he wanted her to meet his brother, who was moving. Little did I know what would come of this relationship. You never expect your daughter to marry the first man she dates, but that is what happened. It was love at first sight, and it has never changed.

Their relationship quickly progressed into a deep love and respect. They were mature about the proper way of doing things. I attributed that to the fact that Kevin at 4 years older than Corrie and out of high school at the time, didn’t feel the need to act like a high school boy. They did do many of the high school things, so that she wouldn’t miss out, such as prom, co-ed ball, and other activities. Since they had both attended the same high school, and he was just out of high school when they met, they shared a loyalty to the school, which I’m sure helped some, but Kevin is very thoughtful, and he didn’t want her to regret that she didn’t do the high school activities.

After several years of dating, I began to realize that these kids were serious about each other. They were so young, but I had to admit that I liked Kevin, and he and Corrie seemed so right for each other. Their relationship worked. Still, I wondered how a relationship that started out with two people so young and one, my daughter, very young, could manage to last, but I was delightfully surprised at how they have lived their lives. They have been loyal and faithful to each other, and have stayed very much in love.

Kevin asked Corrie to marry him on her 17th birthday, and they were married 17 days after her 18th birthday. That was 18 years ago, and they are still very much in love. Their marriage has been blessed with two wonderful sons, Christopher and Joshua. While no marriage is without its tougher times, they weathered the harder times together, and came out stronger than ever.

It is a rare thing indeed, for a relationship that began when one of its parties is 14 to endure the test of time and last 21 years together and 18 years married, but theirs has done just that. As anyone who has been married knows, marriage is a lot of work. No marriage will last if the couple is not willing to work at it, and I am so proud of these my kids who have worked hard to develop a strong marriage that beat the odds. Happy Anniversary Corrie and Kevin!! We love you both very much!!

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