sister-in-law
Today is my sister-in-law, Rachel’s birthday, and it seemed to me a fitting day to pay tribute to the woman who gave birth to this girl who joined our family 2 years and 9 months ago. Rachel’s mother died when Rachel was a young girl, and yet I believe that the influence of her mother is alive in Rachel today. Rachel showed me this picture of her mother a while back, and told me a few things about her own life, but it wasn’t the things Rachel told me about her life, but rather the way she looked at the picture of her mother that struck me. There was such love in her eyes, mixed with a yearning for just one more moment with her mom. I couldn’t imagine what it must have been like to grow up without your mom, especially for a girl. Girls just need their mom at several key points in their life, and my heart hurt for this woman, my new sister-in-law, and the child she had been when her mother was taken from her by illness, as well as the teenager, young woman, and now the adult woman, who still felt the loss very deeply.
While I know that Rachel’s mother was not in her life during the toughest years of her life, I believe that deep down inside of Rachel, her mother’s influence lived on. As Rachel worked her way through the teenaged years, into motherhood, and beyond, the memories of the kind of mother her mother was lived on inside her. A little child remembers the way their mother was…her gentle touch, as she held them close…her perfume, as beautiful as she was…her voice, calling them in for supper…all the little things that made her their mom. I could see in Rachel’s eyes that she carried those memories into her life in the present, and the kind of mother she is to her children.
As Rachel grew, and her life moved forward, through the changes that take place, whether we like them or not, I believe that she chose to be the kind of woman her mother was, and 
the kind of woman that God would want her to be. And, it is that woman that came into the life of my brother-in-law, Ron 2 years and 9 months ago. With her she brought her daughter, Cassie and son-in-law, Chris; and her two sons, Riley and Tucker. Rachel’s grandson, Lucas would join their family on July 3, 2011. Rachel has made Ron’s life complete. She has brought love and happiness into his life again. Ron’s life following his own divorce was lonely and, to me, it seemed like he wasn’t sure he would ever be happy again…until Rachel came along…bringing with her the best qualities from the memories of her mother. Today is Rachel’s birthday. Happy birthday Rachel!! Have a wonderful day!! We love you!!
My sister-in-law, Debbie is the second of my in-law’s six children, but in many ways she is the oldest. Her older sister, Marlyce was born developmentally disabled. Even though Debbie was three years younger, she quickly became the oldest child. Marlyce would always be a child, in an adult body, and that would leave Debbie to be the second child, but really the oldest child. I would imagine that while she didn’t feel like the oldest in some ways, she was strangely the oldest in others. Marlyce would never be able to babysit their siblings, because she was not mature enough, so the babysitting would have to be Debbie. Any other responsible duties would also have to go to Debbie, because Marlyce could 
not do those things. Marlyce did learn to make amazing cookies, but this, too was done under supervision.
Through the years, that had to have been a strange thing for Debbie…knowing that her sister was older, but she didn’t really seem older. I would think that it might have even been confusing for a child, but Marlyce was her big sister, and by the time Debbie was 17 months old, she also had a little brother, my husband, Bob. That brought even bigger responsibilities for the middle sister, of the older three children of her parents. And, the middle sister she would remain for 7 years after the birth of her brother. Then she would become the second child, but again the oldest child, when her 3 youngest siblings were born, and her mom and dad needed her 
help even more. The older children have always helped with the younger children, and while Marlyce always loved babies, she could not fully take care of them, like her little sister, Debbie could.
Nevertheless, as much as Debbie was the older child when it came to most things, she was not the oldest child, and for her, probably never considered herself to be the older child. The things Marlyce couldn’t do were really of no consequence, because Marlyce was very much loved, and she was simply the oldest child. Today is Debbie’s birthday. Happy birthday Debbie!! Have a great day!! We love you!!
Through the years, people have had a special relationship with their puppy friends. Dogs just have a way of being more than just a pet. So many dogs have protected their owners from harm, and when they are with the children of their owners, they become even more protective. They seem to think of the children as their own babies, or maybe their siblings. It is so strange that an animal can have such strong feelings for their owners, but as we all know, dogs can be very smart. My grand niece, Reagan’s dog, Ayva thinks Reagan is her baby. She expects to be involved in every part of Reagan’s life…nap time, play time, and of course, walks.
Dogs have a natural instinct when it comes to the developmentaly disabled. They seem to be more gentle with them, even when they are a little rough. My sister-in-law, Marlyce was developmentally disabled, but her puppy friend didn’t seem to mind anything she did. That dog was her friend for life, and she was his best pal. I think dogs have a sort of motherly or fatherly feel toward the developmentally disabled, because they know that they need a little extra help sometimes, almost like a child, even if the person is not a child.
An older kid with a dog has a playmate that doesn’t get in fights with them. Dogs just 
want to play and be with you. They don’t care what they get to do, they just want to go along. My grandson, Caalab’s dogs like to go camping, while my grandson, Josh’s dog thinks she should get to go everywhere with Josh, including school, if she could get away with it. The boys and their dogs don’t have to be doing anything special for them to be happy, because doing anything with the boys, makes the dogs and the boys very happy. They just want to be their friend.
There is an old saying by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, “Into each life a little rain must fall” and when you read those words, you can almost feel the weight of that statement. Thoughts of lost loved ones, ended friendships, or loneliness come into view and almost make you want to look away. But, to look away from those sad moments could be something you do too soon. I don’t mean to make light of the sadness that comes into this life, but after the rain, comes the rainbow, and that is what we can miss out on. Losing a loved one is a sadness that will never go away. Most other sadness is temporary, but life is what we make of it. We have to choose how we are going to handle things.
Sometimes, it seems like we are victims of circumstance, but that is just not the case. Circumstances present themselves in this life, but we do not have to be victims. A victim ultimately is the person who lets the circumstance beat them. I’m not talking about murder victim here, but people who just feel like they can’t catch a break. Sometimes, the sweetest victory comes after the most awful defeat.
When I think of my two nieces and their husband’s who each lost a daughter, and my sister-in-law and her husband, who also lost a daughter. Each couple could have chosen not to try again, but if they had, they each would have missed out on the precious daughter who followed her big sister. It takes great courage to take that next step sometimes, but if you will be brave, and have faith, you will find that there can be a rainbow after the rain.
Sometimes, the circumstance can be the illness of a loved one. Long term caregiving can take a toll of the person or persons who most need to be healthy and strong. Sometimes, it can seem like this will go on forever, and it very well might go on for a long time, but if we don’t lose hope…if we can look beyond the exhaustion, worry, and sadness, we can find that the extra time spent with your cherished loved one, is one of the greatest blessings there is. Don’t give up, because if you continue to strive to do your best, you might find that blessing. If you quit, or never take on the task in the first place, you could miss out on all you could be, and all you could have, because into each life come the rainbows too.
So often we determine the value of a person by their beauty, wisdom, athletic prowess, intelligence, college degree, or bank account, but so often these things have nothing to do with the real value of a person. It who the person is inside that we should be looking at. That is the person of value.
My sister-in-law was mentally disabled, but while she wasn’t an athlete, a lawyer, doctor, or nurse, she was one of the most valuable people I have ever known. She didn’t leave some great mark on history, or set any world records, but she left her special mark on my heart, and on the hearts of the rest of her family. Marlyce was a child in many ways, and yet not in ways of playing with toys. She loved to bake and knit. And as a Special Olympian, she learned to bowl and totally loved it. Another thing that she totally loved, was being an aunt. Marlyce loved babies.
I could always tell when Marlyce had been baking chocolate chip cookies before we arrived, because even before the smell hit me, I could tell by the smile on her face. She 
knew chocolate chip cookins are my favorite, and she loved pleasing me by having them there for me. As I said, she had a way of getting into your heart and staying there. In fact, once she got to know you, you were like family. She didn’t have enemies, or strangers…just friends she hadn’t met yet.
Marlyce left us in 1989. She was only 39 years old at the time. Though she has been gone now for 23 year, I can still see her smiling face and her her infectious laugh. She comes to my mind whenever I smell or eat chocolate chip cookies. I still miss her very much and every day. Happy birthday sweet Marlyce. We love you very much.
My sister-in-law, Brenda has been a part of my life since she was 10 years old, and my sister-in-law since she was 11 years old. She has always been a sweet girl, who was kind and loving. Her loyalty to those she loves is unsurpassed. During the time that her parents have been ill, she has been someone we can count on to be there to help in any way she can. She is one of our village, and she is invaluable. She has dealt with some pretty tough things, and she knows how hard it is on a person.
Brenda is more than just a sister-in-law to me…she is a friend. She cares about me. Recently, when we had a birthday party for me, my daughter Corrie said that part of my gift was to go to lunch at Mongolian Grill. With the events lately concerning my in-laws, I was not really sure when we might be able to go to lunch. A little more than a week had passed, and I was too busy to think about the planned lunch date with my daughter. Brenda, however, didn’t forget. She was going to take a couple of days vacation, and she planned the daily lunchtime duties into her vacation days, in order to allow me time to go with Corrie. It was such an incredible thing to do…and one I will not forget!! Sometimes my days are very full with caregiver duties, and it makes me feel very loved when someone steps up and does something so nice for me. Brenda is the kind of person who looks for ways to help out and make life easier.
In some families, the longer you are part of the family, the more distant people become. They move away, and come home once every 5 years, or they live in the same town and you hardly see them, but not so with Brenda. She has stuck with the village during some of the toughest times we have gone through. She can always be counted on to do whatever she is able to make our journey a success. We are up against health issues and of course, time. We know that at some point the journey will end. All we can do is try our very hardest to hold that day at bay for as long as possible. Team members like Brenda are extremely important to that goal.
Today is Brenda’s birthday. I want to wish her the very best birthday she has ever had. She has been so good to me, and I can’t tell her how much that means. Happy birthday Brenda!! We love you very much!! Have a wonderful day!!
Most kids have things they like to eat…usually sweets, and things they don’t like to eat…like vegetables. It seems to be something they are just born with. And it seems like every family has one child who is an extremely picky eater. My daughter, Amy was one of those. Amy hated breakfast and still for the most part, doesn’t eat breakfast. It was a struggle for a mother of a one year old child to find that it just didn’t matter what I tried to give her for breakfast, nothing would entice Amy to eat breakfast. I tried cereal, eggs, pancakes, even pop tarts, but nothing worked. Finally in desperation, I bought Carnation Instant Breakfast, because she would drink chocolate milk, and at least she was getting some nutrition.
I wasn’t alone in my child feeding dilemma. My sister-in-law, Jennifer had the same problem with her middle son, JD a number of years later. He didn’t seem to like anything. I felt like my struggle had been small, watching her struggle, because at least Amy would eat pasta, so I could get her to eat meals as long as they included pasta. To this day, sweets are not her favorite thing. She would much rather eat vegetables. Jennifer struggled with JD’s picky eating habits, and since he was born prematurely and was small, he couldn’t afford to skip meals.
I remember Jennifer’s struggle and worries very well. She told me that she didn’t know what she was going to do. And of course, since all kids are different, the things I suggested…things that had worked for Amy…were no help with JD. It was a frustrating time for Jennifer, filled with genuine worry. As a nurse, she knew what he needed, and tried her very best to get him to eat. Of course, it was a serious fight, with a very uncooperative one year old boy. He would taste the food she offered, make a horrible 
face, and act like, “You’ve got to be kidding!!”
The good news is that JD is now a healthy grown man, whose appetite has vastly improved. In reality, he can out eat most people in the family…no, all the people in the family!! None of us worry about his wasting away from lack of food these days. Nevertheless, I will never forget the day when Jennifer told me that she had started feeding him M & M’s…because at least he would get some calories!! I think she decided that the best thing to do was put some weight on him, and she would work on the nutrition later. Probably not a bad plan, but as baby food goes…pretty funny anyway.
My sister-in-law, Debbie was born 3 months prematurely. She was so little that she could fit in a shoe box, and she was immediately dubbed, Little Dab O’ Debbie. While very small, Debbie was healthy and grew strong. Before very long, she was a healthy full sized baby and the initial concerns for her life were behind the family. Debbie remained small all of her life, growing up to be only 5′ 2″ tall. While that isn’t terribly short…maybe that is my opinion, in that I am the same height…it did put her the second shortest of her sisters and brothers.
On June 8, 1974, Debbie would marry the love of her life, Lynn 
Cook. It was at this point that her height…or the lack thereof…became really noticeable. Lynn is 6′ 6″ tall. It really became the tall and the short of it. Even when their daughters were born we knew that it was unlikely that Debbie would be taller than her girls for very long. And sure enough, Machelle and Susan are close to 6′ tall. Her oldest grandson, Weston is already taller than she is, and I’m sure Easton won’t be shorter for long. I suppose it is possible that her granddaughters, Jala and Kaytlyn could be her height or shorter, it is very unlikely. No, I think Debbie will find that before long, she will be Little Dab O’ Grandma…just like she could have been Little Dab O’ Mom, had her girls thought to call her that.
While Debbie is short, she has been a big help to her parents whenever she is down to visit them. They have had health problems over the last few years, and while she is unable to do very much heavy work, since injuring her back a number of years back, she cooks many meals and freezes them for her parents, so that all they have to do is thaw them and heat them up. That is a huge help for her dad who has been the main caregiver for her mom since she was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s Disease a number of years ago. It is an exhausting job for him, and those meals make his life a little easier after a hard day. I am so thankful that we have our Little Dab O’ Debbie, she is a blessing in so many ways. Happy Birthday Debbie!! We love you!!
My sister-in-law, Debbie was injured at work about 10 years ago, when she fell while carrying a heavy crate. She has had back problems and multiple surgeries in the years since that injury, and has been unable to work or stay in one position for very long. It has been a long, hard road for her, and her family, all of whom have helped her through this ordeal.
On August 30th, the day after his 82nd birthday, my father-in-law, Debbie’s dad, was struck with Benign Paroxysmal Positional Vertigo (BPPV). While BPPV is not life threatening, it is seriously problematic. BPPV is a condition that brings on dizziness…the kind that makes it almost impossible to locate a safe place to sit down. It also brings with it, nausea that will quickly bring a strong man to his knees. The condition comes and goes throughout the day, and is the worst right after standing up from a sitting position, making its victim a serious fall risk.
Immediately after the first episode, I recruited the family to take turns staying with my in-laws, until we could figure out what to do about this. We heard from my mother-in-law’s respite care giver, about the Dizziness and Balance Clinic at Wind City Physical Therapy. We made an appointment with them, and a wonderful therapist named Kathy, did two treatments on my father-in-law. She showed me how to treat him at home, and we are now in the midst of daily treatments to fight off the dizziness…and it is working well. In the interim, however, my father-in-law has fallen twice, and we just can’t leave them alone safely at this time. It is hard for people who work to be caregivers during the work day, and that is where my sister-in-law, Debbie comes in.
Debbie came down from Powell for a doctor’s appointment in Casper. She usually stays with my in-laws. She came to town last Saturday and was to leave this Saturday, but after seeing how bad things were here and knowing that everyone needed to go back to work, she has not only stayed all week, but will likely stay until Wednesday of the coming week. While it is hard for her to do a lot things, she has really stepped up and set aside her own pain to do many things for her parents, so that my father-in-law will not have to try to get up and down too much. Many people might not think that cooking and straightening are a big deal, but my father-in-law is normally the one who does all the household chores, since my mother-in-law can’t help with things like she used to. Debbie has also taken on the blood sugar checks, day time meds, and helping her mom with grooming. The things Debbie has done, are monumental in the situation in which we currently find ourselves. I want to thank Debbie for her sacrifice. She has been a tremendous help in a time of serious need. Love you Debbie!!
At the time my brother-in-law, Ron was dating his wife Rachel, we were in the midst of taking care of my mother-in-law, who has Alzheimer’s Disease. We needed every person in the family to help, and I was worried that we would lose Ron’s help if he was dating. I was wrong. Not only does Ron still come, but Rachel comes too, and along with the deal, if that an appropriate thing to call a marriage, we got Rachel’s daughter, Cassie and her husband Chris, and their new baby, Lucas, as well as Rachel’s two sweet little boys, Riley and Tucker. Looking back now, I wonder what I was worried about. In the last year, their first as a married couple, Rachel and her children have endeared themselves to every one of us. They belong to us now. They are family.
And to top it off, now that I have gotten to know Rachel better, I can see how sweet she really is. I couldn’t have asked for a better sister-in-law, if I special ordered her. She has a kind loving heart, and a very sweet spirit. I was so caught up in my own feelings about the caregiving situation, that I didn’t have time to get to know a wonderful girl. I am so glad that I changed that now, because I have been very blessed by Rachel. I didn’t realize how special she was and is, but Rachel has a way of getting into your heart. She is just very likeable. I suppose that is why my brother-in-law and my niece, Machelle, who introduced Ron to her best friend Rachel, love her so much.
Her daughter Cassie and son-in-law, Chris, just gave birth to a premature and very tiny, 2.7 pound, son, Lucas, who I have yet to meet, but already know so much about. He is a sweet little baby, who is a fighter. He is recovering from stomach surgery, and doing very well. And I know that he really doesn’t like to have his left foot in his blanket. Not sure about the right one yet…we will see. But what I do know is that he is deeply loved, by all of us, and we can’t wait to get him home.
And then there are the boys, Riley and Tucker. Riley is a little bit older, and tries to be somewhat more dignified, or maybe he just acts like the big brother he is. Tucker on the other hand, is a goofy little boy, who loves to laugh and has a cute little way of making everyone else laugh too. They are the perfect finishing touch on the wonderful addition that we got when Ron married Rachel. I love you all. I’m very glad you joined our family.
