tears

The Last DanceAs our parents get older, and less able to do the same things they used to when they were younger, and we come to expect less and less of them, and sadly sometimes we include them less in things. It’s not because they don’t want to be included, because they do, but because we don’t think they can do things anymore. As the new year approached, many people were at parties, and many of their parents were at home. Of those that included their parents, and were at a place where they could dance, I have to wonder how many made sure that their parents got to dance. Sometimes, it is harder to pull that off, and all too often the kids just don’t think about it. Still, when that forgotten dancer gets the chance to dance again, it lifts their spirit so much. I got to see that exact thing happen last year at my mom’s New Years Eve party, when her new grandson, by marriage, Jason Sawdon took Mom out on the dance floor and they danced.

Since my Dad’s passing, we had not thought about getting Mom out on the dance floor. Since her knee injury, she has used a walker, and it would have been very difficult for her to dance. Nevertheless, Jason would have none of that. He got Mom, his new grandmother, out on the dance floor and filled in for our dad for that special New Years dance that Mom and Dad always shared. It was such a precious moment, and I don’t think there was a dry eye in the place. It occurred to me that we had inadvertently left Mom out of part of the festivities, leaving her…a forgotten dancer. It wasn’t that we intended to do that, but more that we didn’t think about it. Dad had always had their special dance with her, and he had gone home.

I think that it’s easy to look at that situation and accept that a part of someone’s life might be Jason dancing with Mom 1-1-13over, when you are very close to that situation. We girls, being daughters and therefore not thinking like a man might think that was the case, and even the sons-in-law and grandsons who were there at the time of my Dad’s passing, could not see what Mom might need. We had watched with tears in our eyes, as they danced what turned out to be their last dance, because we were so grateful that they had the opportunity again. When Dad was gone on the next New Year’s Day, we thought her dance days were over. What Jason saw was a different need, and maybe Jessi gave him the idea…I don’t know, and I have not asked, because our forgotten dancer got to dance again, and that was all that mattered.

As my niece, Jessi’s wedding approaches, I am reminded of the important responsibility that is placed on the ring bearer and flower girl.  My own girls each had the opportunity to be flower girls, and at another niece, Machelle’s wedding, my two oldest grandchildren would be given the important job of flower girl and ring bearer. Of course to most of the adults the jobs of flower girl and ring bearer are just a cute little addition to the wedding, but to these kids, it is very important. They feel like they are carrying the wedding to a degree. Whether they get nervous and won’t go on, or feel totally uninhibited and dance down the isle, they bring a special flair to the proceedings. No, it doesn’t top the entrance of the bride, but it brings a flair nevertheless, and what is a wedding without the flower girl and ring bearer?

The flower girl and ring bearer are always cute, of course, but when they’re working very hard at being professional, it is even more fun to watch. When Machelle got married, she asked that Christopher and Shai be in her wedding. My girls were pleased and excited, of course, but they also hoped the kids would do well. I remember that feeling from when Corrie and Amy were flower girls…that, and the other feeling Corrie and Amy had…the one that says, “How can they possibly be grown up enough to be doing this already?” It almost brought tears to their eyes a few times.

The kids did great, as most kids do, and they worked very hard to be professional. Christopher held the pillow very carefully, as if he thought it might break, if he didn’t, and Shai dutifully dropped her flower petals a few at a time. We needn’t have worried. They took this very seriously, and listened to the instructions very carefully, and neither is particularly bashful, so walking past the people in the seats by the isle didn’t even affect them. They were on a mission…they had a goal…they had a job to do, and they did it very well. It was the adults who breathed a sigh of relief when that walk down the isle ended.

I think every child should have the opportunity to take part in a wedding. It doesn’t always happen, of course, but when it does, it is always such an adorable moment…whether the child messed up, made us laugh, or performed just perfectly.

On Saturday, at a baby shower for her sister, I watched my niece, Chantel struggle with the fact that her daughter is going to be going to college in Montana, and it is a 10 hour drive, which will make weekend visits impossible. As the tears flowed, triggered by advise she was reading to her sister on raising kids, my heart just ached for her. The game was meant to be fun, but for Chantel, well, it just made her wish she could turn back the clock. She and her daughter have always been close and the thought of her moving so far away leaves an emptiness that can’t be filled. Yes, they will Skype and there may be a trip or two before the weather gets to where that is dangerous, and they will fly Siara home for Christmas, but that still leaves a lot of days without her daughter…her baby being in her everyday life.

That is a tough place to be, but unfortunately it is also one of the seasons of life. My thoughts went back to some of the seasons of life that have torn at my heart. Probably one of the first ones that I remember, and was when my sister, Cheryl who is Chantel’s mother was moving to New York. We were also faced with the fact that we would be able to see her, maybe once a year, and the days leading up to that move were filled with quite a few teary moments too. Then there came my sister Caryl’s move to San Diego, and while that move was easier in terms of the fact that we had been down this road before, it was still very hard. We are simply a family of people who stay close to home. We are all in Wyoming at this point, except one nephew, Allen, soon to be stationed in Japan for 2 years and one niece, Lindsay in college in South Dakota, and now Siara in Montana.  We just like to be close to each other.

I remembered my own seasons, which while not as hard were nevertheless, hard at the time. Corrie getting married. That first child leaving home moment is a hard one, even when they don’t move away, and then there is a semi-funny moment, when Amy went to pre-school, and was so excited that she left me at the door. I was the whiny one who had to go in the room and kiss her goodbye, hahaha.

My thoughts wandered back to Chantel, and her breaking heart, and while I knew that this moment felt to her like she would never feel better, I knew also, that she would. The sting of those feelings eases with time, and while a dull, lonely ache hurts in its own way, it is easier than the intense pain of the moment. My guess is that Siara, like most of our family, will return to Casper after college, and the season for leaving will be for Chantel, a distant memory.

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