sadness

Smile for the CameraFive GenerationsThroughout all the years that I knew Bob’s grandpa on his mother’s side, we all knew with certainty that he hated having his picture taken. So much so, that he would look away, or glare at the camera. We all just knew that any picture he was in would have him looking angerly away, and that made us sad sometimes, but there was nothing we could do to change things. I often wondered why he wouldn’t just cooperate, but we all assumed that he simply hated having his picture taken…badly enough to practically throw a fit about it. It got to the point where it was easier to leave him out or to let him be grouchy about it.

As I was going through some of the old pictures from my in-laws’ house, I came across a few pictures here and there, that were a little different. The grouchy look was gone, and he was looking at the camera. I began to wonder about something else…like what could have happened to make him hate having his picture taken. He wasn’t always that way. The pictures proved that. Life can change people sometimes. Sadness can take away their smiles, and every life has some sadness in it, but I couldn’t think of a deep sadness that had happened to him since these pictures were taken. So what could it be? What could have stolen his smiles, and turned him into someone who didn’t want his picture taken?

Since Grandpa died in 1985, I suppose that we will never know. It saddens me that he died with some deep dark sadness still living inside him. It saddens me that we never got to see the other side of him…the side of him that had smiles and laughter in it, because I She's my MomGrandpa's baby boythink that side would have been very nice to know. I wonder why he locked that part of himself away? No, I guess we will never know what happened to Grandpa to make him that way. But, after looking at the pictures of his smiling face, looking directly at the camera, holding my brother-in-law, Ron when he was a baby and his smiling face  looking lovingly at his mother, I will always know that there was a time when things were very different.

Mike & PamA few days ago, I got a message on Facebook that would bring full circle another chapter in my family’s past. My cousin Pam, who is my Uncle Bill’s daughter, and her husband, Mike were planning a spontaneous vacation, and wanted to come to Casper to visit us. We were beyond excited!! We quickly contacted all the local family so they could plan to attend, and then sat back to wait with great anticipation on Thursday’s arrival. It felt like a long wait. We had been in contact through Facebook, and we were thankful for that, because of  it we had been given the chance to get reacquainted with Pam already. The visit here would be a face to face continuation of our Facebook conversations.

Finally, the moment arrived. It felt almost like we had never been apart, except that there was so much to catch up on. We talked about the usual things, like family, lost loved ones, our sadness over Uncle Bill’s Alzheimer’s Disease and his struggles to figure out what happened to his sisters and brother, who have all passed away. And we talked of the old days, when we were all kids. They funny things her brothers used to do, and all the trips we got to go on together. Very quickly he years just melted away like ice cubes on a hot day. It was wonderful to be back in touch, and especially wonderful to see Pam again and meet her husband, Mike.

The evening went by far too fast, and before it hardly got started it was 11:00 and time for Precious Momentseveryone to get some sleep, so we said good bye to Pam and Mike, and they headed back to their hotel room. Our time was over…the precious moments had slipped by so fast, and we knew that it might be a while before we will see each other again. It makes me sad to think of that, but we are going to try to make plans to head out there sometime soon, to see Pam and Mike again, and hopefully many other family members that we haven’t seen in far too long a time. Sometimes it takes a spontaneous visit to remind you that precious moments are just far too important to miss out on.

There is an old saying by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, “Into each life a little rain must fall” and when you read those words, you can almost feel the weight of that statement. Thoughts of lost loved ones, ended friendships, or loneliness come into view and almost make you want to look away. But, to look away from those sad moments could be something you do too soon. I don’t mean to make light of the sadness that comes into this life, but after the rain, comes the rainbow, and that is what we can miss out on. Losing a loved one is a sadness that will never go away. Most other sadness is temporary, but life is what we make of it. We have to choose how we are going to handle things.

Sometimes, it seems like we are victims of circumstance, but that is just not the case. Circumstances present themselves in this life, but we do not have to be victims. A victim ultimately is the person who lets the circumstance beat them. I’m not talking about murder victim here, but people who just feel like they can’t catch a break. Sometimes, the sweetest victory comes after the most awful defeat.

When I think of my two nieces and their husband’s who each lost a daughter, and my sister-in-law and her husband, who also lost a daughter. Each couple could have chosen not to try again, but if they had, they each would have missed out on the precious daughter who followed her big sister. It takes great courage to take that next step sometimes, but if you will be brave, and have faith, you will find that there can be a rainbow after the rain.

Sometimes, the circumstance can be the illness of a loved one. Long term caregiving can take a toll of the person or persons who most need to be healthy and strong. Sometimes, it can seem like this will go on forever, and it very well might go on for a long time, but if we don’t lose hope…if we can look beyond the exhaustion, worry, and sadness, we can find that the extra time spent with your cherished loved one, is one of the greatest blessings there is. Don’t give up, because if you continue to strive to do your best, you might find that blessing. If you quit, or never take on the task in the first place, you could miss out on all you could be, and all you could have, because into each life come the rainbows too.

Ten years ago today, my niece, Jenny married her husband, Steve. Through the years, I have watched these kids grow into wonderful people. I have known both of them for so long…Jenny all her life, and Steve since he was 12 years old…so I have seen the changes they have gone through. I must say, that when they were kids, I wasn’t too sure how they would turn out, but that is the case with most teenagers. They drive you crazy, even if they aren’t your own kids, until that day when you suddenly realize that they have changed into great people. When did that happen? How did I miss the change? Was I just not looking? It makes no difference really, because suddenly they are people you respect and want to be around. They have suddenly grown up and become the people they were destined to be.

The last 10 years have brought much joy and some sadness into their lives, but Jenny and Stave have weathered the storms, and have come back into the sunlight. And through it all, they never lost faith in God…in fact, their faith has grown and grown. We all go through things in our marriage and in our lives, but it is what we do with the changes that determines who we will become. Jenny and Steve have become stronger and closer through everything. I have no doubt that they will grow old together, because they were meant to be together.

Happiness has grown in the decade they have been married. Their smiles and laughter are so good to see. They have a great love of life, and are always doing something. From football and other sports with the boys to snowmobiling and target shooting, they are always on the go…something having children will do for you…keep you busy. But kids are also a blessing of years together, and being very busy just comes with the package.

A decade together. It is so hard to believe they have been married 10 years. It seems like just yesterday that they were planning their wedding. Time goes by so fast, and where once stood two kids, now stands a beautiful couple, who are a blessing to all those around them. They care about others, and it shows in all they do. Happy 10th Anniversary Jenny and Steve!! We love you both very much!! Have a wonderful day!!

There is an old saying by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow that goes like this. “Into each life a little rain must fall.” There is no way for each and every day of our lives to be filled with happiness. Things in life are always changing, and sometimes those changes make us unhappy. Things like parents divorcing, a loved one dying or moving far away, job losses, fights with friends, etc, can cause a wide range of emotions, not the lease of which is sadness and anger. So, how do we deal with these emotions in a positive way? We can’t stop sadness or anger from happening. They are a part of life. Then there is the problem of negative feelings multiplying in us when we think on them too much.

One possible solution to this problem goes along with one of my favorite Bible verses which I believe is best said in the Message version of the Bible. “Summing it all up, friends, I’d say you’ll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies.” Philippians 4:8-9. God’s most excellent harmonies is just where I want to be. So if we think about the things mentioned in these verses, then we are basically thinking of the good things and not the bad, so…something to smile about. I like that idea.

Now, I have never been a person who liked being told to “Smile!!!” It always annoyed me because I wasn’t sad or mad, just not smiling, but maybe I was having a negative effect on others. Also something to think about. So, I am going to start looking around me and thinking on good things so that I will have something to smile about, and I believe I will feel better because of it.

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